The Becoming Approach
From what you want to stop to the life you want to build.
You may know exactly what you want to stop, yet find it hard to picture what healthy sexuality could look like in its place.
You may also feel divided: wanting change while still being drawn toward familiar patterns. That tension is common, and it is part of what we help you work through.
Our care helps with both: addressing unwanted sexual behavior and building a healthier, more fulfilling life. We organize that care through the Becoming Approach.
Questions about the approach?
Call or text and we can talk through how it would fit what you’re facing.
Three connected parts, one approach
These parts work together throughout treatment. You do not have to finish the recovery tasks before building a healthier sexual life; both happen side by side.
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The Work
Understand and address unwanted sexual patterns and their consequences.
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The Direction
12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality
Develop a clearer picture of healthy sexuality and the life you want to build.
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The Process
Work through what makes change difficult and develop healthier ways of living.
The Work
Carnes Recovery Tasks
What do we need to work on?
Our recovery work follows the 30 Carnes Recovery Tasks, a recovery pathway developed by Patrick Carnes, PhD. You move through the tasks in order, at your own pace, using the Carnes workbooks.
- Each task is worked with healthy sexuality in view, not sobriety alone.
- Completing a task matters; deeper change comes through the process of the Becoming Principles.
See the 30 Carnes Recovery Tasks
Tasks 1–7
- Break Through Denial
- Understand Addictive Illness: Sexual Addiction Component
- Surrender to Process
- Limit Damage from Behavior
- Establish Sobriety
- Ensure Physical Integrity
- Participate in a Culture of Support
Tasks 8–13
- Understand Multiple Addictions and Sobriety
- Acknowledge Cycles of Abuse
- Reduce Shame
- Restructure Relationship with Self
- Grieve Losses
- Closure and Resolution by Taking Responsibility
Tasks 14–19
- Restore Financial Viability
- Restore Meaningful Work
- Create Lifestyle Balance
- Build Supportive Personal Relationships
- Establish Health, Exercise, and Nutrition Patterns
- Develop a Spiritual Life
Tasks 20–30
- Commit to Recovery for Each Family Member
- Resolve Original Conflicts/Wounds
- Alter Dysfunctional Family Relationships
- Resolve Issues with Children
- Resolve Issues with Extended Family
- Work Through Differentiation
- Succeed in Intimacy
- Commit/Recommit to Primary Relationship Recovery
- Explore Coupleship Recovery
- Restore Healthy Sexuality
- Involve Family Members
The Direction
The 12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality
What are we working toward?
The 12 Dimensions describe the healthy sexual life recovery is meant to lead toward: personal, sexual, relational, and spiritual capacities that can grow over time. Healthy sexuality is possible whether you are currently choosing celibacy or seeking full and fulfilling sexual expression with a partner.
The dimensions are not twelve more recovery tasks. They are a picture of where recovery is meant to lead.
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Dimension 1: Nurturing
Caring for yourself, accepting support and kindness from others, and caring for others in return.
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Dimension 2: Sensual Awareness
Slowing down to notice your senses, feelings, and surroundings, without judgment.
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Dimension 3: Self-Image
Feeling worthy of love, and knowing you have something to offer others and to receive from them.
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Dimension 4: Self-Definition
Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, owning your life, and clearly expressing your needs and boundaries.
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Dimension 5: Openness
Growing in honesty, vulnerability, and transparency about your sexual self.
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Dimension 6: Sexual Renewal
Finding joy in sexuality and in life, grounded in knowledge, wisdom, and integrity.
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Dimension 7: Relationships
Building respectful, authentic, non-sexualized relationships, and patiently repairing bonds.
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Dimension 8: Partnership
Sharing an equal, interdependent relationship that seeks both intimacy and oneness.
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Dimension 9: Non-Genital Intimacy
Physical and emotional closeness, attunement, and fulfillment that does not depend on genital contact.
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Dimension 10: Genital Intimacy
Letting go of uncertainty, risking being truly seen, and freely experiencing erotic feelings.
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Dimension 11: Spirituality
Connecting sexual desire and expression with spiritual wholeness and meaning.
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Dimension 12: Passion
Expressing what you deeply desire and value, and pursuing it in ways that contribute to others.
Explore the 12 Dimensions: full definitions
- 1. Nurturing
- The ability and willingness to provide care for the self, to accept the need for support, care, and kindness from others, and to provide care for others.
- 2. Sensual Awareness
- The ability to slow down the mind, opening yourself to all senses, and observe the presence, feelings, and perceptions of the self, others, and the world around you free from judgement.
- 3. Self-Image
- The ability to feel worthy of being loved by others, that we are more than how we see ourselves, and that we have something to offer others, and they have something to offer us.
- 4. Self-Definition
- Embracing an authentic self by having a clear knowledge of both your strengths and weaknesses, taking ownership of your life, and clearly expressing needs and boundaries.
- 5. Openness
- The ability to lean into sexual authenticity, vulnerability, and transparency with others.
- 6. Sexual Renewal
- The ability to experience joy in both sexuality and life by being grounded in knowledge, wisdom, and personal integrity.
- 7. Relationships
- The ability to foster authentic, respectful, and non-sexualized relationships—regardless of gender, race, or background—and to repair relationships and familial bonds through patience, growth, and connection.
- 8. Partnership
- The ability to maintain an interdependent, equal relationship with a partner that strives for both intimacy and oneness.
- 9. Non-Genital Intimacy
- The ability to achieve physical and emotional intimacy, attunement, and sexual fulfillment without the use of genitals.
- 10. Genital Intimacy
- The ability to let go of uncertainty, risking ourselves to be seen, and freely experience erotic feelings with the use of the genitals.
- 11. Spirituality
- The ability to connect sexual desire and expression to the pursuit of spiritual wholeness and meaning in one’s life.
- 12. Passion
- The capacity to express deeply held feelings of desire and meaning about one’s sexual self, relationships, and intimacy experience, and actively pursue these passions to contribute meaningfully to society.
The 12 Dimensions of Healthy Sexuality originated with Patrick Carnes, PhD, and have been adapted, expanded, and rewritten in part by Kyle M. Reid, LMFT, CSAT-S, CPTT. © 2026 Becoming Institute for Sexual Health. All rights reserved.
The Process
Becoming Principles
How does transformation happen?
The Carnes Recovery Tasks show what to work on, and the 12 Dimensions show where you are headed. The Becoming Principles describe how the change actually happens within you: how new understanding and practice take root until they become part of who you are. They are the process at work in both the tasks and the dimensions.
Becoming is ongoing integration, not a final state of perfection.
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Vision of Hope
Face present reality and envision a healthier possibility.
Question: “What is happening, and how could it be different?”
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Reconciliation
Work through internal conflict so a new understanding and healthier way forward can emerge.
Question: “What keeps me from living that healthier possibility?”
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Commitment
Support that understanding through choices, practice, relationships, and structure.
Question: “What must I choose or practice differently?”
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Becoming
Integrate healthier ways of seeing, choosing, and living into identity.
Question: “How is this becoming part of who I am?”
The Becoming Principles describe not only what happens across the entire recovery journey but also what happens within a single dimension, recovery concern, relationship, or daily choice.
What this looks like in therapy
Where to begin
Your therapist helps you identify where to begin and what needs attention now.
Your situation
Treatment considers your circumstances, needs, and goals.
Your values
People come to us with differing religious, moral, cultural, relational, and sexual values. The work is shaped around yours.